Then you have the Tuk Tuk drivers. Like the Indian Suit Men they also want your business and will go head over heels to get it. This includes telling you that your hotel 2 minutes walk away is too far for your young 25 year old legs, saying that they need to feed their families (whilst having a state of the art stereo system in their Tuk Tuk!?). and lastly offering you a 10 cent ride if they can take you to a suit shop (scam much?). Also like the Indian Suit Men they are telling you that you want and need a tuk tuk, it's out of your control.
What's interesting in the case of these two industries is not how each of them works individually but how they work together, or more so how they work to scam each other.
For the average tourist who passes through Bangkok, little thought would be put to the relationship between the Indian Suit Men and the Tuk Tuk Mafia, however Dylan and myself having spent countless hours in both tuk tuks and suit shops think that we've worked it out
So here it goes....
It all starts when the Tuk Tuk Mafia pick up a day dreaming, meandering tourist and offer to take them to a suit shop so they can buy a suit, "for very good price, and good quality sir". Like most people would think, we were under the impression that the Tuk Tuk Mafia would get a commission on suit sales. Meaning the more dumbfounded tourists they can deliver to the Indian Suit Men for a 10 baht (30 cent) fare the more commission they would receive. However, whilst pressing this question to a tuk tuk driver one day, he explained to us that he gets a gas card from the Indian Suit Men for bringing potential customers whether they buy anything or not. What's better or worse, depending on your moral compass, is that the tuk tuk driver tells us you don't even have to want to buy a suit, you can just pretend, walk around in the store for a few minutes (enough time for the driver to get his gas card) and then hop back into the tuk tuk where he'll take you to your intended destination for next to nothing. The Tuk Tuk Mafia win (they've got free gas), you win (you've got a free ride) and the Indian Suit Men lose (wasted time and gas cards).
Tuk Tuk Mafia- 1 point
Indian Suit Men- 1 point
You- 1 point
In scenario 2, you can't resist the persuasive and forceful sales tactics of the Indian Suit Men and you end up walking out of the musty store with a suit you hadn't budgeted on. You are told the suit will make you 'more sexy', 'the girls will love you' and that it 'fits you perfectly sir'. You think that you are the long lost brother of George Clooney and walk out with a new swagger, until you look down at the suit and realise you already have three similar ones at home. The Indian Suit Men have won and you've lost.
Tuk Tuk Mafia- 1 point
Indian Suit Men- 2 points
You- 1 point
In scenario 3 the Indian Suit Men think they are exploiting the Tuk Tuk Mafia. The tuk tuk drivers are bringing load after load of 'customers' to the suit shops where some will pay $700 for a fitted suit that could be bargained down to $100. The Indian Suit Men are polishing up whilst the Tuk Tuk Mafia are putting away with measly $2 gas cards and waiting for hours for the customers to finish their purchase. We get the impression that the Indian Suit Men look down on the Tuk Tuk Mafia and think they are exploiting them for peanuts and that the drivers are doing the heavy lifting for them. The tuk tuk drivers realise this. Their answer; get as many gas cards as possible by abusing the agreement and bringing uninterested customers by the truck load. This means more work for the Indian Suit Men and less sales. It's a vicious relationship built on mistrust and dishonesty.
Tuk Tuk Mafia- 2 points
Indian Suit Men- 2 points
You- 1 point
Playoffs/Finals Series
After observing this somewhat complicated and bizarre relationship, and the way they undermine each other, the scammed scamming the scammer, we seeked to balance the score and go one step further by exploiting the exploiters. We're not going to be like the typical tourist and accept mediocre deals, we want to win and win convincingly.
We're on Kao Sanh Road , the tourist mecca, and Dylan has to go get his suit re-fitted that he ordered a month earlier. We consider walking there but it's a decent walk, especially in the heat and smog of Bangkok. I suggest a metered taxi, a 60 Baht ($2) fare. Dylan looks at me and shakes his head, "lets get a tuk tuk" he responds with a cheeky grin. After hearing horror stories of $30 tuk tuk rides I'm a bit reluctant to get sucked into this tourist trap. However, before I can put up a fight Dylan shows the business card of the suit shop to the driver. Knowing that a golden egg awaits him at the other end (a gas card), he winks at us and says, "ok ok...5 baht you, 5 baht you (15 cents)," pointing to each of us. He senses that we understand the rules of the game and that we can get a free ride to the suit shop from him.
Entering the shop we're immediately swarmed by a gang of Indians equipped with tape measures, chalk pencils, fake Armani belts and ill fitting shirts. Each one is trying to get our business, offering an array of deals for 'original' Hugo Boss, Armani and Versace suits and '100% Egyptian cotton' shirts. We are assured the materials are sourced fromItaly and Eqypt in bulk "that's why is so cheap!". We later speak to a man at another shop who attempts to convince us that it is the raw materials that are sourced and then produced in Thailand. We believe neither. Do not trust the Indian Suit Men.
Dylan informs the men that he's already paid for a suit and that he's just coming to get it finished. A resounding sigh fills the room. The men have missed the opportunity of getting a healthy new sale. A skinny Indian parts through the dispersing group recognising Dylan from the previous month, instantly recalling his measurements and suit type. He's got a big grin on his face. He'll soon get the remainder of the deposit from Dylan. Money is hapiness in Bangkok. We're offered beers which we readily accept without a moments hesitation.
5 beers each later...
Dylan's finally happy with his adjustments after 2 hours, something that would normally take 10 minutes devoid of beer. Of course he drags it out to get as many free beers as possible. For the next three days we repeat the same process, getting free tuk tuk rides and drinking about 5 beers whilst making small adjustments to Dylan's suit, an excuse to come back the following day. We are scamming the Indian Suit Men like there's no tomorrow and it feels great. After 4 days we've drank over 40 beers. Not bad considering the suit only cost $100.
In a city where the tourist rarely has the chance to balance the odds, we feel like we've went pretty close. It's time to put some points on the tourist scoreboard.
Playoff scores:
Indian Suit Men- 2 points
Tuk Tuk Mafia- 2 points
Us- 3 points
VICTORY!!!
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